It’s been so long since I write and I have been feeling so bad about it, but recently, I’ve been thinking ‘why should I?’ Everyone deserves a break from what they do and that’s exactly what I needed… a break.
I won’t write ‘posh’, I won’t write like a recent graduate, I won’t worry about grammar because as I’m sat here with tears streaming down my face, it’s hard to think straight, it’s hard to think what next.
I scrolled through my phonebook, several times, In need of someone to talk to, in return, not a single name was tapped (except my mum). I realised I have so many friends but when
and I really and truly want a heart to heart, I can’t think of anyone to have it with, I realised and remembered that writing makes me feel a lot better. Not being able to have someone to talk to is one of the worst feelings ever. It feels like everything is trapped inside you waiting to explode and if it doesn’t, it shoots straight to the head which could possible make you go crazy, depends depending on how strong you are.
My friends may read this, they
might may not. If they do they will probably say “you have me to talk to”, “I’m always here for you.” and funny as it is, I agree with them, however, it’s not anything I can share with all my friends, and this thing right now, that is making me cry so much isn’t sharable with everyone, why? because I may feel judged but mainly, I I’m hoping, really hoping this isn’t it… so I don’t want to out it out there in the universe when just maybe, things can change.
While I hope and pray, maybe booking a holiday away alone could help or is that a crazy thing to do? nope, So I think as soon as I can, a holiday out of the country, somewhere far will really help. Its scary as I have never travelled alone, but I am going to take the risk,
I would drive somewhere far but that would be putting myself at danger, I was going to head on the motorway but trying to stir clear from there, space is necessary and I really would be crapping myself plus I’m still learning to balance the clutch control in my car as well as bay parking between two cars so not a good idea… therefore I think a holiday would be perfect and maybe a little drive about everyone now and again.
p.s glad to be back.